Post by Boom on Aug 12, 2004 9:57:00 GMT -5
www.denverpost.com/Stories/0,1413,36~87~2328829,00.html
Reality, recovery take turns
CSU coach steps into life without his wife in wake of tragic accident
By Natalie Meisler
Denver Post Staff Writer
It's not about his physical and mental torment of relearning how to walk at the time his year-old son is doing the same. It's certainly not about missing the start of Colorado State volleyball practice, as the No. 11-ranked team in the nation began workouts this week.
After nearly seven weeks, the impact of losing his wife, Janna, finally is sinking in for CSU assistant volleyball coach Andy Klussmann.
He barely escaped with his life in a tragic auto accident June 20 that left him a 40- year-old widower with two toddlers and two teenage stepchildren.
"I feel like Janna has been left out," he said during a break from physical therapy at Craig Hospital in Englewood. "I just want to recognize her, and the things I fear most are because of her loss. What does everyone do in a relationship? You rely on someone for strength and support. I planned my whole life with her. Now I have an entire life without her. I'm scared to raise my kids without her."
Advertisement
On this day, his temporary joy over an "imported" fast- food milkshake turned to tears as he spoke of raising sons Jackson, 1, and Drew, who turns 3 next month.
"I've been afraid they will forget who I am," Klussmann said, sobbing.
His 66-year-old mother, Helen Klussmann, sat nearby and gently reassured him the boys know their dad. Moreover, she tells him the stacks of get-well cards from across the country also represent an outpouring of love for Janna.
No one is forgetting Janna Klussmann. Colorado State established a memorial fund at First National Bank of Fort Collins. The annual Border Fore Golf Tournament for CSU and Wyoming boosters will be a benefit for the family, and CSU uniforms will include a heart-shaped patch with the initials "J&A."
"We've dedicated the season, obviously, to both of them," CSU coach Tom Hilbert said.
The NCAA limits the hours a team can practice, but there's no cap on rehabilitation time at Craig. The hospital's teams of doctors, therapists and counselors won't allow patients to wallow in self- pity. But last week, a session with a volunteer lay minister finally opened the floodgates of Klussmann's grief. For weeks after the accident, accident- induced amnesia prevented him from retaining the fact his wife died.
Grief will repeat every year when Father's Day and Jackson's June 20 birthday represent the anniversary of Janna's death at age 40.
Outing turns tragic
While en route to a Father's Day and first birthday celebration with Janna's parents in Cheyenne, the Klussmanns' minivan was struck on the driver's side by a pickup truck. Janna, the driver, was killed instantly. Andy was in the passenger's seat, and the force of the collision resulted in him suffering primarily head trauma.
The minivan was coming off an exit ramp near Cheyenne.
Cheyenne police investigators estimated the truck was traveling 62 mph in a 40 mph zone after running two red lights. The accident report lists the driver of the truck, 44-year- old Ronald Holland, with a 0.21 percent blood alcohol level - almost three times the Wyoming limit of 0.08. He did not have insurance and remains in jail in lieu of $10,000 bond.
The Klussmann children in the second row of the minivan were unscathed except for a few cuts. Helen Klussmann, in the third row, was hospitalized four days. She hadn't replaced her seat belt after refastening one of her grandson's seats. She did get a look at her son and said, "I was shocked he lived."
Relatives are tending to the two boys.
Cheyenne police detective Tom Garrison said when he arrived at the scene that "damage to the vehicle was one of the worst I've ever seen."
Holland is scheduled for trial in Laramie County District Court on Nov. 16 on charges of aggravated vehicular homicide, aggravated assault and driving while under the influence. The first charge carries a sentence of up to 20 years in prison. Holland's lengthy record in Colorado courts includes a 2001 guilty plea in Weld County Court to driving while impaired. His attorney in Cheyenne, Daniel Blythe, said it was policy not to comment on cases.
Small steps of progress
After three weeks of intensive care in a Cheyenne hospital, Klussmann was transferred to Craig. When he does leave the wheelchair, it's for short periods in therapy with use of a walker. There's progress, but it's slow. And it's frustrating.
"In my mind it's something I've been able to do my whole life without trying to think about it or being tired," he said.
He knows the sooner he walks, the sooner he can return home to his boys. His doctors have targeted mid-September.
He's starting to gain back the 35 pounds he has lost since the accident. Therapy leaves him so exhausted, he considered it a victory to turn on the TV after dinner.
Although his words appear articulate on paper, he speaks slowly, in part because his shattered jaw is heavily wired. The closed-head trauma left neurological issues with balance, coordination and vision. Walking is the greatest physical challenge for the broad-shouldered, 6-foot-4 athlete who won two NCAA volleyball titles at UCLA and once reigned on the pro beach circuit.
After he finished beach competition and European pro leagues, Klussmann settled into a country social services job where Janna also was employed. He coached a club team in Fort Collins and befriended Hilbert.
"He took this job in 2000 and took a pay cut," Hilbert said. "His wife said, 'Look, if this is what you want to do, I support you 100 percent.' She was unbelievably supportive. You have to be if you are a spouse of a coach."
A staff baby boom further connected the families.
Life has changed
Klussmann wonders if he can coach without Janna, a fixture at every home match with their sons.
"My wife made coaching possible," Klussmann said. "Can I coach without Janna? I don't know if my lifestyle will allow it. She made a special effort to make coaching doable for me."
Sacrifices were balanced by a family trip to Hawaii for an NCAA Tournament appearance. A month before the accident, he skipped the Rams' team trip to Europe to stay home for his stepdaughter's high school graduation.
"Your daughter or stepdaughter graduates once. Europe will remain," he said.
After learning of the accident, Hilbert informed the players and sent out a mass e-mail to colleagues.
"This accident brought back a lot of bad memories for the volleyball community," Hilbert said, referring to a crash in 1993 that claimed the life of former Wyoming volleyball coach Mike English.
Hilbert took Klussmann's club team players to a junior national tournament, where they were swarmed with well-wishers. "There was so much love shown to Andy," he said.
A grief counselor was brought in for CSU players. They compiled a scrapbook to help jog Klussmann's memory.
"It's emotional and heartbreaking to see someone we all love go through what he's going through," said junior outside hitter Tess Rogers, who described Klussmann as a great storyteller as well as a motivator.
Klussmann drilled his players in practice across the net so that Rogers said when they faced an opponent as tall as Klussmann, Rogers and her teammates would say, "Well, at least it's not Andy."
"It's so unfair, there's no rhyme or reason," Hilbert said of the tragedy.
Common grief
Nearly every patient at Craig is there because of a similarly tragic accident. Helen Kluss- mann said it has helped put things in perspective for her and her son, because many patients never will get out of a wheelchair.
"He sees all the guys here, and he gets to realize how lucky he is," she said.
Helen Klussmann arrived in Fort Collins the day before the accident and has not been back to her Aberdeen, S.D., home since. She moved into Craig Hospital's family residence facility and is at her son's side nearly all day. None of her tasks compared with breaking the news to him, a week after the accident, that Janna didn't survive.
She had to keep repeating the fact. Janna was gone in an instant but it took nearly two weeks before Klussmann could retain the information. In the interim, an estimated crowd of 600 mourners attended a memorial service in Loveland. He still doesn't remember his visitors during that time.
In one particularly wrenching interlude in mid-July, Helen Klussmann said she asked her son if he would like to call anyone. He said to call Janna's cellphone to tell her he was safe.
Hilbert has visited four times. The team has visited, too.
"Every time I go," Hilbert said, "he's better. The first time, I was very scared. He couldn't talk. He forgot I had been there. The last three times he had recollection."
Hilbert hired an interim assistant coach for the season.
"We know if Andy's back before December, he steps aside," Hilbert said. "I believe Andy is going to be sitting next to me next (2005) season."
Coming off a 30-5 season, CSU opened practice this week with a veteran club contending for a fifth consecutive Mountain West Conference title and 10th consecutive NCAA Tournament appearance.
"It's still going to be a great year for us," Hilbert said. "People ask how I'm doing. I'm doing great because I get to go home every night, kiss my kid, have dinner with my wife. I don't have to learn how to walk again. We're all doing great in the scheme of things.
"We are emotionally torn up as a team. However, we know we can continue to go out and compete because that's the best way to go out and celebrate Andy."
Klussmann, meanwhile, is eyeing a September homecoming.
"My biggest victory will come when I return home to be the father of my boys," he said.
Reality, recovery take turns
CSU coach steps into life without his wife in wake of tragic accident
By Natalie Meisler
Denver Post Staff Writer
It's not about his physical and mental torment of relearning how to walk at the time his year-old son is doing the same. It's certainly not about missing the start of Colorado State volleyball practice, as the No. 11-ranked team in the nation began workouts this week.
After nearly seven weeks, the impact of losing his wife, Janna, finally is sinking in for CSU assistant volleyball coach Andy Klussmann.
He barely escaped with his life in a tragic auto accident June 20 that left him a 40- year-old widower with two toddlers and two teenage stepchildren.
"I feel like Janna has been left out," he said during a break from physical therapy at Craig Hospital in Englewood. "I just want to recognize her, and the things I fear most are because of her loss. What does everyone do in a relationship? You rely on someone for strength and support. I planned my whole life with her. Now I have an entire life without her. I'm scared to raise my kids without her."
Advertisement
On this day, his temporary joy over an "imported" fast- food milkshake turned to tears as he spoke of raising sons Jackson, 1, and Drew, who turns 3 next month.
"I've been afraid they will forget who I am," Klussmann said, sobbing.
His 66-year-old mother, Helen Klussmann, sat nearby and gently reassured him the boys know their dad. Moreover, she tells him the stacks of get-well cards from across the country also represent an outpouring of love for Janna.
No one is forgetting Janna Klussmann. Colorado State established a memorial fund at First National Bank of Fort Collins. The annual Border Fore Golf Tournament for CSU and Wyoming boosters will be a benefit for the family, and CSU uniforms will include a heart-shaped patch with the initials "J&A."
"We've dedicated the season, obviously, to both of them," CSU coach Tom Hilbert said.
The NCAA limits the hours a team can practice, but there's no cap on rehabilitation time at Craig. The hospital's teams of doctors, therapists and counselors won't allow patients to wallow in self- pity. But last week, a session with a volunteer lay minister finally opened the floodgates of Klussmann's grief. For weeks after the accident, accident- induced amnesia prevented him from retaining the fact his wife died.
Grief will repeat every year when Father's Day and Jackson's June 20 birthday represent the anniversary of Janna's death at age 40.
Outing turns tragic
While en route to a Father's Day and first birthday celebration with Janna's parents in Cheyenne, the Klussmanns' minivan was struck on the driver's side by a pickup truck. Janna, the driver, was killed instantly. Andy was in the passenger's seat, and the force of the collision resulted in him suffering primarily head trauma.
The minivan was coming off an exit ramp near Cheyenne.
Cheyenne police investigators estimated the truck was traveling 62 mph in a 40 mph zone after running two red lights. The accident report lists the driver of the truck, 44-year- old Ronald Holland, with a 0.21 percent blood alcohol level - almost three times the Wyoming limit of 0.08. He did not have insurance and remains in jail in lieu of $10,000 bond.
The Klussmann children in the second row of the minivan were unscathed except for a few cuts. Helen Klussmann, in the third row, was hospitalized four days. She hadn't replaced her seat belt after refastening one of her grandson's seats. She did get a look at her son and said, "I was shocked he lived."
Relatives are tending to the two boys.
Cheyenne police detective Tom Garrison said when he arrived at the scene that "damage to the vehicle was one of the worst I've ever seen."
Holland is scheduled for trial in Laramie County District Court on Nov. 16 on charges of aggravated vehicular homicide, aggravated assault and driving while under the influence. The first charge carries a sentence of up to 20 years in prison. Holland's lengthy record in Colorado courts includes a 2001 guilty plea in Weld County Court to driving while impaired. His attorney in Cheyenne, Daniel Blythe, said it was policy not to comment on cases.
Small steps of progress
After three weeks of intensive care in a Cheyenne hospital, Klussmann was transferred to Craig. When he does leave the wheelchair, it's for short periods in therapy with use of a walker. There's progress, but it's slow. And it's frustrating.
"In my mind it's something I've been able to do my whole life without trying to think about it or being tired," he said.
He knows the sooner he walks, the sooner he can return home to his boys. His doctors have targeted mid-September.
He's starting to gain back the 35 pounds he has lost since the accident. Therapy leaves him so exhausted, he considered it a victory to turn on the TV after dinner.
Although his words appear articulate on paper, he speaks slowly, in part because his shattered jaw is heavily wired. The closed-head trauma left neurological issues with balance, coordination and vision. Walking is the greatest physical challenge for the broad-shouldered, 6-foot-4 athlete who won two NCAA volleyball titles at UCLA and once reigned on the pro beach circuit.
After he finished beach competition and European pro leagues, Klussmann settled into a country social services job where Janna also was employed. He coached a club team in Fort Collins and befriended Hilbert.
"He took this job in 2000 and took a pay cut," Hilbert said. "His wife said, 'Look, if this is what you want to do, I support you 100 percent.' She was unbelievably supportive. You have to be if you are a spouse of a coach."
A staff baby boom further connected the families.
Life has changed
Klussmann wonders if he can coach without Janna, a fixture at every home match with their sons.
"My wife made coaching possible," Klussmann said. "Can I coach without Janna? I don't know if my lifestyle will allow it. She made a special effort to make coaching doable for me."
Sacrifices were balanced by a family trip to Hawaii for an NCAA Tournament appearance. A month before the accident, he skipped the Rams' team trip to Europe to stay home for his stepdaughter's high school graduation.
"Your daughter or stepdaughter graduates once. Europe will remain," he said.
After learning of the accident, Hilbert informed the players and sent out a mass e-mail to colleagues.
"This accident brought back a lot of bad memories for the volleyball community," Hilbert said, referring to a crash in 1993 that claimed the life of former Wyoming volleyball coach Mike English.
Hilbert took Klussmann's club team players to a junior national tournament, where they were swarmed with well-wishers. "There was so much love shown to Andy," he said.
A grief counselor was brought in for CSU players. They compiled a scrapbook to help jog Klussmann's memory.
"It's emotional and heartbreaking to see someone we all love go through what he's going through," said junior outside hitter Tess Rogers, who described Klussmann as a great storyteller as well as a motivator.
Klussmann drilled his players in practice across the net so that Rogers said when they faced an opponent as tall as Klussmann, Rogers and her teammates would say, "Well, at least it's not Andy."
"It's so unfair, there's no rhyme or reason," Hilbert said of the tragedy.
Common grief
Nearly every patient at Craig is there because of a similarly tragic accident. Helen Kluss- mann said it has helped put things in perspective for her and her son, because many patients never will get out of a wheelchair.
"He sees all the guys here, and he gets to realize how lucky he is," she said.
Helen Klussmann arrived in Fort Collins the day before the accident and has not been back to her Aberdeen, S.D., home since. She moved into Craig Hospital's family residence facility and is at her son's side nearly all day. None of her tasks compared with breaking the news to him, a week after the accident, that Janna didn't survive.
She had to keep repeating the fact. Janna was gone in an instant but it took nearly two weeks before Klussmann could retain the information. In the interim, an estimated crowd of 600 mourners attended a memorial service in Loveland. He still doesn't remember his visitors during that time.
In one particularly wrenching interlude in mid-July, Helen Klussmann said she asked her son if he would like to call anyone. He said to call Janna's cellphone to tell her he was safe.
Hilbert has visited four times. The team has visited, too.
"Every time I go," Hilbert said, "he's better. The first time, I was very scared. He couldn't talk. He forgot I had been there. The last three times he had recollection."
Hilbert hired an interim assistant coach for the season.
"We know if Andy's back before December, he steps aside," Hilbert said. "I believe Andy is going to be sitting next to me next (2005) season."
Coming off a 30-5 season, CSU opened practice this week with a veteran club contending for a fifth consecutive Mountain West Conference title and 10th consecutive NCAA Tournament appearance.
"It's still going to be a great year for us," Hilbert said. "People ask how I'm doing. I'm doing great because I get to go home every night, kiss my kid, have dinner with my wife. I don't have to learn how to walk again. We're all doing great in the scheme of things.
"We are emotionally torn up as a team. However, we know we can continue to go out and compete because that's the best way to go out and celebrate Andy."
Klussmann, meanwhile, is eyeing a September homecoming.
"My biggest victory will come when I return home to be the father of my boys," he said.
