Teammate to teammate "meanness"

[maɡˈnōlēə]

I know competition in sports is normal as girls jockey for position.  As adults what can be done to minimize some of the "petty jealousies" (per the article linked) that arise within the ranks of our girls' sport?

My own theory is that in the creation of a scapegoat the players themselves shirk the responsibilities of their own errors and have someone else to blame. 

That's why video is so great!    I wish more coaches would pursue watching video after game play to help players understand their own playing issues and work on improvement.

Anyway here is the link.  I'd love to hear your thoughts on the topic.


www.competitivedge.com/petty-jealousies-sport

[maɡˈnōlēə]

381 views and not one idea on how to combat the prevalence of relational aggression.

Cmon now you can do better than that VTers. For a board so hip on calling out predators and those that hurt "our girls" does not the land mines of emotional abuse and consequences of relational aggression concern you? It should as it is much more prevalent than sexual aggression and other topics du jour.

Relational aggression chips away at the self esteem of victims and chances are there is a girl on every team one of your children partipate on that is subject to being the scapegoat for the other team members aggressions and such. Ostracization, talking behind girls' backs, social exclusion: all these affect girls at a much higher rate and can lead to life long emotional scars.

Is it because it's such an issue no one touches it? Don't you think it's high time some of you speak out against it, formulate responses to it? While some may view it as "normal" it is not. How can there be pages and pages of posts about "he who should not be named" time and time again yet not even one response to this thread that affects every team in every gym across the land?

[Northern lights]

One observation of mine is that parents today are more involved in teenage conflicts. Coaches are often playing the role of mediator. Part of growing up is learning for yourself how to handle peer aggression.

[notwvb]

I think it was the most exciting Super Bowl ever.

[donut]

Feb 4, 2018 22:29:43 GMT -5 maɡˈnōlēə said:

381 views and not one idea on how to combat the prevalence of relational aggression.

Cmon now you can do better than that VTers. For a board so hip on calling out predators and those that hurt "our girls" does not the land mines of emotional abuse and consequences of relational aggression concern you? It should as it is much more prevalent than sexual aggression and other topics du jour.

Relational aggression chips away at the self esteem of victims and chances are there is a girl on every team one of your children partipate on that is subject to being the scapegoat for the other team members aggressions and such. Ostracization, talking behind girls' backs, social exclusion: all these affect girls at a much higher rate and can lead to life long emotional scars.

Is it because it's such an issue no one touches it? Don't you think it's high time some of you speak out against it, formulate responses to it? While some may view it as "normal" it is not. How can there be pages and pages of posts about "he who should not be named" time and time again yet not even one response to this thread that affects every team in every gym across the land?

Lol @ you getting upset about no responses in 90 minutes.

[Sorry Ass Sal]

Feb 4, 2018 22:29:43 GMT -5 maɡˈnōlēə said:

381 views and not one idea on how to combat the prevalence of relational aggression.

Cmon now you can do better than that VTers. For a board so hip on calling out predators and those that hurt "our girls" does not the land mines of emotional abuse and consequences of relational aggression concern you? It should as it is much more prevalent than sexual aggression and other topics du jour.

Relational aggression chips away at the self esteem of victims and chances are there is a girl on every team one of your children partipate on that is subject to being the scapegoat for the other team members aggressions and such. Ostracization, talking behind girls' backs, social exclusion: all these affect girls at a much higher rate and can lead to life long emotional scars.

Is it because it's such an issue no one touches it? Don't you think it's high time some of you speak out against it, formulate responses to it? While some may view it as "normal" it is not. How can there be pages and pages of posts about "he who should not be named" time and time again yet not even one response to this thread that affects every team in every gym across the land?

You strike me as someone I don't want to converse with. So that's my reason for previously not posting in this thread and also why this will be my only post.

[NebraskaVBfan93]

Feb 4, 2018 22:29:43 GMT -5 maɡˈnōlēə said:

381 views and not one idea on how to combat the prevalence of relational aggression.

Cmon now you can do better than that VTers. For a board so hip on calling out predators and those that hurt "our girls" does not the land mines of emotional abuse and consequences of relational aggression concern you? It should as it is much more prevalent than sexual aggression and other topics du jour.

Relational aggression chips away at the self esteem of victims and chances are there is a girl on every team one of your children partipate on that is subject to being the scapegoat for the other team members aggressions and such. Ostracization, talking behind girls' backs, social exclusion: all these affect girls at a much higher rate and can lead to life long emotional scars.

Is it because it's such an issue no one touches it? Don't you think it's high time some of you speak out against it, formulaite responses to it? While some may view it as "normal" it is not. How can there be pages and pages of posts about "he who should not be named" time and time again yet not even one response to this thread that affects every team in every gym across the land?

Those behaviors you listed are absolutely normal for almost every 10-25 yr old girl that has ever lived. In my early 20s I worked at a clothing store, mostly with highschool and college age females. Working with them every day taught me that generally speaking, girls can be vicious in their relationships with each other.

[Wolfgang]

Feb 4, 2018 22:56:19 GMT -5 Sorry Ass Sal said:

Feb 4, 2018 22:29:43 GMT -5 maɡˈnōlēə said:

381 views and not one idea on how to combat the prevalence of relational aggression.

Cmon now you can do better than that VTers. For a board so hip on calling out predators and those that hurt "our girls" does not the land mines of emotional abuse and consequences of relational aggression concern you? It should as it is much more prevalent than sexual aggression and other topics du jour.

Relational aggression chips away at the self esteem of victims and chances are there is a girl on every team one of your children partipate on that is subject to being the scapegoat for the other team members aggressions and such. Ostracization, talking behind girls' backs, social exclusion: all these affect girls at a much higher rate and can lead to life long emotional scars.

Is it because it's such an issue no one touches it? Don't you think it's high time some of you speak out against it, formulate responses to it? While some may view it as "normal" it is not. How can there be pages and pages of posts about "he who should not be named" time and time again yet not even one response to this thread that affects every team in every gym across the land?

You strike me as someone I don't want to converse with. So that's my reason for previously not posting in this thread and also why this will be my only post.

Why is that?

[rainbowbadger]

Feb 4, 2018 22:46:41 GMT -5 Northern lights said:

One observation of mine is that parents today are more involved in teenage conflicts. Coaches are often playing the role of mediator. Part of growing up is learning for yourself how to handle peer aggression.

That is true, but I do think it is on parents to model kindness and inclusion, and teach their children that scapegoating and bullying is not appropriate. I'm mostly talking about the parents of the perpetrators, not the parents of the scapegoated/bullied child.

This article goes into some good detail about how parents can identify and target the negative behaviors when they see them in their children, and hopefully turn things around: faithit.com/day-decided-daughter-will-not-choose-friends-raising-bully-leslie-blanchard/

One of the biggest objectives of team sports is to teach kids to work together despite their differences, and recognize that everyone has something to contribute. I think it's important that parents listen to how their kids talk to and about their teammates and actively intervene to make sure that their kids are getting these life lessons out of their sport.

[ironhammer]

Interesting to think about social psychology. I think dealing with people that have different personalities, culture and thinking from you is inevitable in any team sports. It is an unavoidable part of growing up, learning to deal with people who doesn't think like you or have the same mannerism as you. I mean, unlike friends who you can pick and choose, you don't really get a say as a player who your teammate will be, just like you can't predict or choose who your colleagues at work will be. The key is to learn one way or the other how to signal to your teammates (or work colleagues) when to draw the line and when to compromise and get along with others. Because the reality is that you need both to function as a team or organization.

Yes, there will always be back-stabbing and manipulative jerks and a-holes in this world that needs to be removed from a team or organization. But a lot of personal conflicts in my experience comes down to clashing personalities and objectives, rather than some irredeemable faults or flaws of the different people involved. You know: "I think this is the best way to solve this problem while the other guy thinks the opposite way is the best", and so on. Learning to manage these conflicts is the key. Certainly a coach has the primary responsibility as do the parents to resolve these cases. But I think the program and school itself also shares some responsibility in setting up the general expectation and guidelines on how to deal with situations like that, and how much leeway is given to the coach to handle it.

[Brutus Buckeye]

The best policy is to make 'em keep it off the court.

They can hate each other until their hearts are content outside of VB, but if they bring it into the gym you put 'em on the bench together. Make them do all their drills together. Don't let them play again until they learn to at least fake camaraderie on the court. Even if that means that they have to really ham it up and be extra sarcastic in their encouragement of each other, you make them do it if they want to play.

[trainermch]

As if this is a phenomenon restricted to females under the age of 23...
I have a staff full of teachers at a high school if anyone comes up with a solution. 

[maɡˈnōlēə]

Feb 4, 2018 22:46:41 GMT -5 Northern lights said:

One observation of mine is that parents today are more involved in teenage conflicts. Coaches are often playing the role of mediator. Part of growing up is learning for yourself how to handle peer aggression.

I think parents helicopter at the wrong times.  There's an article posted above that sumarizes it well and far more eloquently than I could to illustrate this point.   Part of being the adult is to teach children how to become more empathetic and cooperative, if we don't do that but allow them to do whatever than we may as well be living a modern day "The Lord of the Flies". 

[volleylearner]

Feb 4, 2018 20:07:53 GMT -5 maɡˈnōlēə said:

I know competition in sports is normal as girls jockey for position.  As adults what can be done to minimize some of the "petty jealousies" (per the article linked) that arise within the ranks of our girls' sport?

My own theory is that in the creation of a scapegoat the players themselves shirk the responsibilities of their own errors and have someone else to blame. 

That's why video is so great!    I wish more coaches would pursue watching video after game play to help players understand their own playing issues and work on improvement.

Anyway here is the link.  I'd love to hear your thoughts on the topic.


www.competitivedge.com/petty-jealousies-sport

That article has many ideas in it already. A key for any team is respecting one's teammates, and players should strive to make both themselves and their teammates better. It is important for a coach to point out desirable behavior as well as undesirable behavior--not just in terms of physical performance but also in terms of interacting with teammates. As you point out, video can be helpful. I really like this (MBB) example about going over bad body language toward teammates:

[bigfan]

Feb 4, 2018 23:40:11 GMT -5 NebraskaVBfan93 said:

In my early 20s I worked at a clothing store, mostly with highschool and college age females. Working with them every day taught me that generally speaking, girls can be vicious in their relationships with each other.

It never STOPS at any AGE.