Hello people of VT... and that one drunk dude that hasn't realized his computer is not in fact his TV and can't change the website with a remote. I was originally going to release his in chunks... one a day for each section. Mostly so I didn't have to pound out 48 preview jokes in a single sitting (it's a marathon I tell ya) and also because I want to stack as many quality posts as possible leading up to All-VT voting (shameless plug.. NO ONE posts giant blocks of text with more jokes, has a larger library of gifs, or has gotten fanbases to support a school that they otherwise would have hated on principle... except me. Rampage for All-VT for life)
But alas, my internet has decided to be like Rutgers volleyball and become more of an imagined theory than actually an existing thing the past couple nights... so here I am now. I will go through ALL the first two rounds... a make my predictions using a well-place gif. Order a double-pour of bourbon... this is gonna get rocky.
Penn State RegionPenn State v. Howard
VCU v. Pittsburgh
Nope.
Penn State v. VCU
So usually we sit here and bash Penn State for their HORRIBLE Sub-regional... but I'm not feeling it this year. This isn't a cake-walk. I mean, they aren't gonna drop a set and none of these teams actually poses a threat to win a Sub-regional anywhere... but it's not Penn/American/Stony Brook bad... and that was possible.
Nope.
Kansas v. Missouri
Nope.
Wichita St v. Radford
Nope.
Kansas v. Wichita St
Nope.
Coastal Carolina v. Creighton
Nope
Michigan State v. Missouri State
Coastal Carolina v. Michigan State
Nope
Illinois v. Hawaii
The Rainbows just don't have it right now. They probably get the best draw they've had in the past few years... but won't have the horses. Sorry Crazy Islanders.
Authors Note: I am now going to use this gif as a response to blatant Hawaii homerism... I encourage you to do the sameWashington v. LIU Brooklyn
The BlackBirds are just not good... at least they get to go to a cool city like Seattle instead of State College.
Washington v. Illinois
I think this goes the distance. If this is at a neutral site, I may spring for the upset. Illinois really has had trouble over the past few years finishing tough opponents. Think that ghost haunts them here.
Kentucky RegionNeraska v. Stony Brook
The Wet Pups really don't have the talent or depth to hang here... this one should be over fast
Washington St v. Florida St
The ACC was a whole lot of MEH for me this year. FSU just isn't the same team as the past few seasons. Think the Cougs hang on to a tight one here.
Author's Note: This gif may be the most racist thing I've ever posted... That is an Italian dude pretending to be an American IndianNebraska v. Washington State
This Sub-regional is filled with paper tigers. No one will really test the Corn People.
Colorado v. James Madison
WAIT... HOLD UP. You finished 3rd in the conference but gifted the conference tournament. NOW you get an unseeded team in the 1st round? Who the hell did you pay off Forgettable Presidents?
Baylor v. Miami OH
Oh man... here's another one I almost pulled the trigger on an upset. I think that Baylor is a tad overrated (seems to play just-unseeded teams evenly... just no BAD loses)... but they'll get the job done at home.
Colorado v. Baylor
THERE'S the upset... Bye Bye Baylor
BYU v. American
American is bad... and I'm not sure that trip to Provo is any better than the trip to State College... poor MERICA
Kennesaw St v. Oregon
Nope. You had a great streak going there for a while!
BYU v. Kennesaw St
Nope
Western Kentucky v. Notre Dame
I don't really like either of these teams to do much in the tournament. The Hilltoppers aren't as good as they've been in seasons past and Notre Dame is perpetually meh.
Kentucky v. East Tennessee St.
The Wildcats are SOOOOO overrated but god is ETSU bad.
Kentucky v. Western Kentucky
Ugh... why is this sub-regional so blah... Kentucky has no business blowing throw a sub-regional. But here we are.
Stanford RegionalStanford v. CSU Bakersfield
Roadrunners are better than a color... but Stanford will kick their butt.. Stupid Stanford.
Colorado St v. Michigan
The Rams are my cinderella and they've got the pedigree and experience to make some noise this tournament
Colorado St v. Stanford
SUCK IT STANFORD
Marquette v. Wisconsin
Nope
Iowa St v. Princeton
The Clones are going to smack Princeton around... Ames is probably better than State College
Marquette v. Iowa St
Nope.
Utah v. Cleveland St
Utah has really come into their own in the Pac12. The Vikings are also pretty bad so this will be pretty quick.
Purdue v. High Point
I think that High Point has absolutely no business in this tournament... they have no wins OCC against tournament teams... Plus a 0-3 loss to UNCG. Ugh, this was a big mistake by the committee.
Utah v. Purdue
Fun fact... Utah has only been swept once this season.
Oregon St v. NC State
Nope.
Texas v. Fairfield
Austin >>>>> State College... well done Fairfield
Texas v. Oregon St
Nope.
Florida RegionalMinnesota v. North Dakota
If this was a hockey game I would be in the stands with popcorn... but a volleyball match will not be the same
UNI v. Louisville
Always. Pick. Against. The. ACC.
Minnesota v. UNI
They may struggle a bit here. But SSSSSSSSSSSS is too good to lose a home NCAA match.
San Diego v. LSU
I think the travel is going to be a tough one for the Tigers. Plus Ethan Pheister is their coach... lol
USC v. Central Arkansas
UCA is a bit of a mystery to me. I'm not quite sure they know how good they are either. This could get weird... or be a blowout. I dunno.
USC v. San Diego
I also wanted to pick this upset... but I don't think San Diego has enough here.
UCLA v. Austin Peay
Nothing to see here... quick sweep
Cal Poly v. Denver
Cal Poly should have more than enough firepower to sweep through Denver.
UCLA v. Cal Poly
This one will be uglier than some on tis board are saying. Mustangs just haven't had the wins that get me excited about their chances
College of Charleston v. Miami FL
Unfortunately, nope.
Florida v. Alabama State
yawn
Florida v. Charleston
Nope
And that's it.... oh god that took way too long. Enjoy the tournament... I'll just sit over here by myself