Non-politcal Humour...

[Gorf]

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon. He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship." And, as the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out the possibilities of a small boat and even a raft. Suddenly there emerged from the surf a wet-suited black clad figure. Putting aside the scuba gear and the top of the wet suit, there stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde!

The glamorous blonde strode up to the stunned Irishman and said to him: "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years", replied the amazed Irishman. With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproofed pocket on the left sleeve or her wetsuit, and pulled out a fresh pack of cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, and takes a long drag. "Faith and begorrah," said the man, "that is so good I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Irish whiskey?" Asked the blonde. Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years". Hearing that, the blonde reaches over to her right sleeve, unzips a pocket, removes a flask and hands it to him. He opened the flask and took a long drink. "'Tis nectar of the Gods!" stated the Irishman. "Tis truly fantastic!!!"

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?" With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed , "Sweet Jesus! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there too!!!!

[pineapple]

About 3:00 a.m. the door bell rang. “Get up, someone’s at the door,” his wife whispered. He got up, put on his robe and went downstairs and opened the door with the chain in place. He saw a bearded man with long matted hair. “ What do you want?” He asked.
“ I need a push.,” the man answered. He looked at the man‘s dirty clothes. He could smell the man’s BO and he wanted to throw up.
“Do you know what time it is?” He asked with indignation
“I just need a push. There’s no one else around.”<br> “There was no one around before I opened the door, “ he countered.
“Why did you come here and not the neighbor’s house?”
“I am only asking you for a push. Will you give me a push?”<br> “No! Scram, beat it! Go look for help somewhere else!” He slammed the door and went back upstairs.
“What was that all about?” His wife asked.
“Some dirty hippy wanted a push!”
“ Honey,” she said. “Remember last year when we got stuck in the snow In the middle of the night and we got helped from the first farmhouse we came across? I am sure the farmer had to get up early in the morning like you. But he so nicely got his tractor out and pulled our car out.”<br> Now he was feeling guilty. He finally gave in “awww, okay, I’ll help him.”<br>He put on his jacket and got his car keys and went downstairs. He opened the door. It was pitched black outside and freezing cold.
“Hey, are you still there?” He called out soflty so as not to disturb his neighbors.
“Yes, I’m still here.” Came the reply.
“Where? I can’t see you.”
“Over here, on the swing.”

[Gorf]

;D