I know it drives me crazy we can never be happy and enjoy the fun experience, i once had a Minnesota fan tell me that if they dont win the national title he is disappointed and considers the year a failure! How do you derive any enjoyment with that outlook?
Yea, MN parent here. I’ve got some Friday thoughts for you to chew on if you’re so inclined. Grab a coffee and join what I hope will be a learning, constructive exchange.
It’s an interesting phenomena to observe and experience. I left the match last night on cloud 9. I was feeling so very proud of our team for rallying, overcoming adversity, and getting a win against a very talented team.
Then I read through this thread last night and really had to reflect for a bit. Sifting through the chaff of my thoughts I realized I just felt this heavy, genuine sadness for some people.
I am extremely competitive and, of course, I always want to win. I get that. I’m all for being devoted and passionate about your favorite team and wanting them to succeed. I get that too. And WE ALL WANT A NATTY CHAMPIONSHIP. I get it.
But last night I hit the proverbial wall. The intensity in which some fans express their disappointment in or outright disdain for a player or the manner in which they destroy them for a play they made or missed has finally compelled me to write this. My goal is to encourage others to just pause and take some time to reflect themselves.
I’ve commented on here before, speaking from the perspective of a parent who has been deeply hurt at times reading terribly unkind things people have said about my daughter. Truly, I hurt even MORE deeply for my kid because she was devastated and we all know moms feel it even worse when their kids are hurting and they can’t fix it. I would beg and bribe her to stay off VT and not follow MN volleyball on social media in order to avoid stumbling upon the occasional nasty comments about her and her teammates. You see it’s not just painful for the one player who may be bearing the brunt of the garbage talk in that moment. Every single teammate will feel that pain right along with her because they empathize and care so much for each other. So the hurt just multiplies.
BWF2 would tell you players should be told never to look on here. Perhaps that is the solution. But I don’t think so. I think people can do better. And let’s just be honest, that pull is strong and difficult to resist. I have sworn off VT so many times, but, alas, I always come back because there are some really great people, resources, and things to be learned and I don’t want to miss. For the players, I imagine the pull is in hoping to get some positive reinforcement from fans. I don’t know so I can’t speak for them. Maybe sometime I will put the question to a few of the girls and share their responses.
As I shared earlier, the caustic, hurtful comments on here used to really cut me. In time, it didn’t hurt so much. Instead, it made me angry. Eventually, that dissipated. Thankfully, that doesn’t even really happen anymore. Control what you can control. I get to control my response. Sometimes I experience that initial, “WTH?” reaction, but it is momentary and I choose to let it go and not give it any more energy.
I would like to share some personal experiences to offer a bit more breath and depth for your understanding.
It is 2019 and the Gophers just lost to Stanford in Pittsburgh in the Final 4. I watched our girls overcome their disappointment and wipe their tears and sign autographs with class and grace. Some of the Gopher parents chatted with Stanford parents and exchanged genuine celebrations of talent and skill whether you were on the winning or losing team. I hugged my crying girl and told her how very much I loved her and how proud I was of her effort, her no quit attitude, her team focused values and headed back to my hotel.
Then she started messaging me. She was heartbroken. Over the loss? Yes, that’s to be expected. But the deep heartbreak came when she was reading Facebook and somebody had commented that MN would never win a NCAA championship with her as libero.
Imagine being her in that moment.
After that tournament we really reflected a lot on whose voices matter. Because if you don’t figure that out, there is so much toxicity these incredible student athletes are exposed to that it can be soul-sucking. The mental health toll being a collegiate athlete places on them is significant.
We both remembered how Sarah Wilhite would often talk about how she played for an audience of ONE, God. It is so much easier to dismiss the haters if you keep your focus there.
If you haven’t read the book, “You are Special”, by Max Lucado, I strongly encourage you too. He talks about how people will put “stickers” on you like labels, judging you. But you get to decide whether you keep those labels others put on you because the stickers only stick if you let them. And the only sticker that matters is the one God placed on you.
Beloved child of God.
You play for your teammates, you play for your coaches, your school, your state. You play for His glory and, regardless of the scoreboard, you will never lose.
I need to give a shout out to McMike for posting the video of Hugh speaking about the bigger picture of collegiate volleyball. We need more of that on here. Hugh isn’t perfect, just like none of us are. But he is a great man. I say that before I say he is a great coach because I believe the former to be more important than the latter. Go find that video if you haven’t watched it yet. Hugh is a quality human who cares about his players holistically, as people. He cares about their personal development. As a parent, I will be forever grateful for the influence he has had on my daughter. And that goes well beyond coaching VB skills and strategy.
This is my wish for Gopher VB fans. Enjoy the ride! Don’t create problems that don’t exist and cause yourselves angst that you need not feel. Actually, that advice goes for all fans. Not just Gopher fans. And, let’s extrapolate that…. that advice applies to life in general, not just volleyball!
Here is what I know about DS/Libero concerns. Rachel was lights out phenomenal playing as libero. When I told her that, her response was that she wants CC back because she knows they are #bettertogether. That’s the attitude of this team.
Will we beat Wisconsin? Hot damn, that would be fun. Will we go on to win the tourney? Dream come true, right? I’m hopeful!
Regardless, I just ask you to remember that these young women are not performing circus monkeys. They are driven competitors who make sacrifices and work so very hard to play a game that provides entertainment for fans. Fans who need entertainment because we are all living in exceptionally tough times right now. Those tough times have placed even MORE demands on these athletes and, yet, they are busting ass to succeed and win for us.
I’m all for freedom of speech so you are free to say whatever you want. I just ask that you be deliberate and intentional in what you say and consider the impact of your words.
Relationships are give and take. I think these young student athletes give a lot. I encourage you to think about how do you give back to them?
I have two mantras I drill into my kids even as adults
Always try to #givemorethanyouget
Always try to #addvalue
Figure out what you bring to the table in whatever environment you are in and then bring it. Whether you are at work, with family, teams, classrooms, on a city bus, walking through the airport or participating in an online VB forum.
What value can you, as VT posters, add? A lot. Analyze the play, discuss details, substitutions, lineups, whatever you want, but be decent in your comments. Teams and players will have off matches and will make mistakes. That is reality. Again, we get it. But how you characterize it matters. Words matter.
Last night, I read a comment somebody made about CC.
“ Please don’t make me have to watch her another year”
So there I was on Cloud 9 and I read that comment. I was so incredibly sad in that moment.
But I wasn’t sad for me.
And I wasn’t sad for CC.
I was sad for the person who posted it. Because they could have been on cloud 9 celebrating the experience and chose to miss out on that.
I also know we live in crazy times wherein people are facing challenges that others know nothing about. I have no clue what obstacles or pain this person is dealing with but I do know that sometimes we say things we wouldn’t otherwise say when dealing with other life stressors so I chose to respond like this….
I said a prayer for him/her. Let’s all give each other a little more grace, patience, kindness and encouragement.
VT can be a blessing and a curse. I’ve always been forthright about who I am on here so people know I am CC ‘s mom. People would be shocked at how many parents of other athletes reach out to me and share the same concerns but are afraid to post on here or address them publicly because of fear of backlash. Think about that. Fear of backlash on an anonymous VB forum.
I tell CC she has a platform and opportunity to use that platform to make the world better. I see her do that every day so I’m going to try to do the same here.
Maybe some of the thoughts I shared resonated with you. I hope so. If not and you think I am full of bullocks, then I thank you for taking the time to read and consider what I had to say! I’m hoping we can all do our best to make this forum mostly blessing and less curse.
Rollercoasters aren’t fun because they are dull. With no lows, you have no appreciation for the highs. Trust me. I speak from experience.
God is Great y’all!
Thank you for joining my TedTalk today.
Heather
(Proud mom of an exceptional human, CC McGraw)
Go, Gophers
