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Post by maɡˈnōlēə on Feb 6, 2018 6:53:54 GMT -5
I’m trying to understand what you want here. Clearly you want people to engage but when they do and it takes a turn where you dont want it to go, you get pissy and post some nonsense about LCK being “kind of and a$$hole.” You bring up Gandhi and his transgressions as if normalizes any bad behavior. Seriously?! Who said it normalized anything? Don't put words in my mouth. I simply argued the point that Louis CK is still funny because another poster disparaged that point. A big difference.
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Post by tritone7337 on Feb 6, 2018 8:21:29 GMT -5
I’m trying to understand what you want here. Clearly you want people to engage but when they do and it takes a turn where you dont want it to go, you get pissy and post some nonsense about LCK being “kind of and a$$hole.” You bring up Gandhi and his transgressions as if normalizes any bad behavior. Seriously?! Go back to the post that started the thread. OP wants you to buy something from "Dr. G."
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Post by maɡˈnōlēə on Feb 6, 2018 11:36:47 GMT -5
I’m trying to understand what you want here. Clearly you want people to engage but when they do and it takes a turn where you dont want it to go, you get pissy and post some nonsense about LCK being “kind of and a$$hole.” You bring up Gandhi and his transgressions as if normalizes any bad behavior. Seriously?! Go back to the post that started the thread. OP wants you to buy something from "Dr. G." Actually no. Good try though and I can see why you think that because that site is selling some mental toughness dvds or something. I included that link for the article.
Many good thoughts about the actual topic here. I agree that the negative behaviors aren't limited by age and are seen in all walks of life. Hell even at the volley mom level there can be wicked pettiness as mom's themselves take a stab at establishing some sort of pecking order within the mom-player group. It's gotten so bad that I have found myself veering away from the group huddle together gossiping; I sit in the stands on my own and strike up random conversations with others. I lack the patience for some of the dramas the team mom's perpetuate on themselves that actually carry over to the kids. Last school season another mom brought up unfair treatment of a teammate to another teammate's mom (sticking up for an outside of volleyball incident that happened to a child not her own) and she was taken down in a semi public manner and the child in question continued to be harassed It's no wonder why it's difficult for kids to take a stand when their primary examples are bullies themselves. But honestly I'm hoping we can do better, as adults we need to begin to recognize the signs of what is called relational aggression and coaches, other parents and even the players themselves need to do better. A prior poster mentioned something about the strong getting weakened by leveling the playing field or something of that nature and that is not what I mean at all. This isn't about playing time nor is it about quality of play, this is simply about the social dynamics that exist within teams that tear down an individual and ultimately become a festering sore that infects the whole team if left unchecked. I know in my single decade long multi sports mom experience I've seen it tear down several teams in several sports. Already at the new club my daughter plays at its been a years long issue that pre existed prior to our arrival (& this may be the worst case I have encountered as the club director is fully aware as are the coaches and not one of them has taken the stand against this). Half this club's age group up and left this season because of it. And I've also seen it with a couple of teams (not just her own) during our time at another club.
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Post by maplespear on Feb 6, 2018 13:50:07 GMT -5
381 views and not one idea on how to combat the prevalence of relational aggression. Cmon now you can do better than that VTers. For a board so hip on calling out predators and those that hurt "our girls" does not the land mines of emotional abuse and consequences of relational aggression concern you? It should as it is much more prevalent than sexual aggression and other topics du jour. Relational aggression chips away at the self esteem of victims and chances are there is a girl on every team one of your children partipate on that is subject to being the scapegoat for the other team members aggressions and such. Ostracization, talking behind girls' backs, social exclusion: all these affect girls at a much higher rate and can lead to life long emotional scars. Is it because it's such an issue no one touches it? Don't you think it's high time some of you speak out against it, formulaite responses to it? While some may view it as "normal" it is not. How can there be pages and pages of posts about "he who should not be named" time and time again yet not even one response to this thread that affects every team in every gym across the land? Those behaviors you listed are absolutely normal for almost every 10-25 yr old girl that has ever lived. In my early 20s I worked at a clothing store, mostly with highschool and college age females. Working with them every day taught me that generally speaking, girls can be vicious in their relationships with each other. +10
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2018 17:26:14 GMT -5
The posters in this thread are a solid representation of the thread's title.
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Post by maɡˈnōlēə on Feb 6, 2018 22:06:33 GMT -5
The posters in this thread are a solid representation of the thread's title. Now now with the blanket statements 😂🙈🙉
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Post by rainbowbadger on Feb 6, 2018 22:39:19 GMT -5
The whole "boys will be boys" excusing lack of emotional intelligence, and "girls will be girls" excusing cattiness - in my mind this is a perpetuation of the problem. We need to have higher expectations for people across the board. The behavior is not acceptable for boys and girls, nor is it acceptable for adult men and women. If you're working in an environment that is toxic because of catty queen bees or macho dudebros, it's up to the manager to address that behavior at least so that it doesn't bleed into the workplace. Same if you're coaching a team where this is happening. And if you're a parent, you need to take responsibility for teaching better behavior to your children. Just shrugging and saying "that's how boys/girls are" does nothing but entrench damaging gender stereotypes and make the problem worse.
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Post by bigfan on Feb 6, 2018 22:51:39 GMT -5
It's no wonder why it's difficult for kids to take a stand when their primary examples are bullies themselves.
A lot of parents are real A$$HOLES.
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Post by maɡˈnōlēə on Feb 7, 2018 0:13:50 GMT -5
It's no wonder why it's difficult for kids to take a stand when their primary examples are bullies themselves.
A lot of parents are real A$$HOLES. The masses are a$$e$. I just think the culture of mean is out of control in the general sense. Compassion is the exception and not the rule these days.
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Post by slackerdad on Feb 7, 2018 14:31:22 GMT -5
The whole "boys will be boys" excusing lack of emotional intelligence, and "girls will be girls" excusing cattiness - in my mind this is a perpetuation of the problem. We need to have higher expectations for people across the board. The behavior is not acceptable for boys and girls, nor is it acceptable for adult men and women. If you're working in an environment that is toxic because of catty queen bees or macho dudebros, it's up to the manager to address that behavior at least so that it doesn't bleed into the workplace. Same if you're coaching a team where this is happening. And if you're a parent, you need to take responsibility for teaching better behavior to your children. Just shrugging and saying "that's how boys/girls are" does nothing but entrench damaging gender stereotypes and make the problem worse. First: I'm the poster that included the Louis CK video. I'm aware of his inappropriate behavior and I apologize if I offended anyone. My point wasn't that "girls will be girls". My point is that males and females are perceived to socialize differently in every culture. I agree that most of it is probably due to perpetuation of sterotypes. However, to ignore that they exist and coach the same way even after you've seen them in your players, does not help solve the problem. For example, I fully expect when I coach girls that I will need to work harder on getting the girls to bond off the court before I expect them to work as team. When I coach boys, I tend to see them bond by playing. I suppose I could be blind to their sex and see how it goes, but I don't have that much time to coach them. It's a perception that women tend to cry more. Do you think that is based entirely on gender sterotypes or is nutured into them? Or is it possible that there is an evolutionary or biological reason for that? Are men have the same emotions but are unwilling to show it or do they show it differently? Is there a culture where men are perceived to cry more?
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Post by maɡˈnōlēə on Feb 8, 2018 0:47:55 GMT -5
The whole "boys will be boys" excusing lack of emotional intelligence, and "girls will be girls" excusing cattiness - in my mind this is a perpetuation of the problem. We need to have higher expectations for people across the board. The behavior is not acceptable for boys and girls, nor is it acceptable for adult men and women. If you're working in an environment that is toxic because of catty queen bees or macho dudebros, it's up to the manager to address that behavior at least so that it doesn't bleed into the workplace. Same if you're coaching a team where this is happening. And if you're a parent, you need to take responsibility for teaching better behavior to your children. Just shrugging and saying "that's how boys/girls are" does nothing but entrench damaging gender stereotypes and make the problem worse. First: I'm the poster that included the Louis CK video. I'm aware of his inappropriate behavior and I apologize if I offended anyone. My point wasn't that "girls will be girls". My point is that males and females are perceived to socialize differently in every culture. I agree that most of it is probably due to perpetuation of sterotypes. However, to ignore that they exist and coach the same way even after you've seen them in your players, does not help solve the problem. For example, I fully expect when I coach girls that I will need to work harder on getting the girls to bond off the court before I expect them to work as team. When I coach boys, I tend to see them bond by playing. I suppose I could be blind to their sex and see how it goes, but I don't have that much time to coach them. It's a perception that women tend to cry more. Do you think that is based entirely on gender sterotypes or is nutured into them? Or is it possible that there is an evolutionary or biological reason for that? Are men have the same emotions but are unwilling to show it or do they show it differently? Is there a culture where men are perceived to cry more? The ole nature vs nurture debate comes to mind. I think we women are genetically programmed via sex hormones to be more weepy. I think the history of humanity predisposes us women toward communication and bonding via communication, the "it takes a village to raise a child" has basis in the communal parenting of times past. I agree with your stateme nt that girls MUST bond outside the court to be a cohesive team however even then there is no guarantee that bonding will occur however you increase the likelihood of a familial type connection, as I've told my youngest daughter: families tend to be dysfunctional and so do volleyball teams 😂 In the general sense anyway.
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Post by rainbowbadger on Feb 8, 2018 9:42:41 GMT -5
There’s also the fact that display of certain emotions are socialized out of boys at a very young age. Having nothing socially acceptable to do with their sadness or disappointment, they turn it to anger.
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Post by 402 on Feb 8, 2018 10:23:07 GMT -5
There’s also the fact that display of certain emotions are socialized out of boys at a very young age. Having nothing socially acceptable to do with their sadness or disappointment, they turn it to anger. Is that how the boys are raised in Wisconsin, badger? No wonder you’re all so angry and easily provoked on this website. 🙈🙉🙊 We all know Wisconsin leads the nation with racial discrimination in employment, education, housing, and the criminal justice system, so it’s not surprising to learn how Wisconsin ranks FIFTH in the nation for the highest rates of domestic violence. www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/a37005/statistics-about-domestic-violence/
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Post by maɡˈnōlēə on Feb 8, 2018 23:22:33 GMT -5
There’s also the fact that display of certain emotions are socialized out of boys at a very young age. Having nothing socially acceptable to do with their sadness or disappointment, they turn it to anger. Is that how the boys are raised in Wisconsin, badger? No wonder you’re all so angry and easily provoked on this website. 🙈🙉🙊 We all know Wisconsin leads the nation with racial discrimination in employment, education, housing, and the criminal justice system, so it’s not surprising to learn how Wisconsin ranks FIFTH in the nation for the highest rates of domestic violence. www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/a37005/statistics-about-domestic-violence/Just wow.
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Post by trainermch on Feb 9, 2018 0:46:17 GMT -5
Is that how the boys are raised in Wisconsin, badger? No wonder you’re all so angry and easily provoked on this website. 🙈🙉🙊 We all know Wisconsin leads the nation with racial discrimination in employment, education, housing, and the criminal justice system, so it’s not surprising to learn how Wisconsin ranks FIFTH in the nation for the highest rates of domestic violence. www.goodhousekeeping.com/life/relationships/a37005/statistics-about-domestic-violence/Just wow. I started several replies. None seemed adequate. This will do.
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