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Post by bayarea on Oct 23, 2014 14:37:11 GMT -5
It seems that telling a talented young kid they are a "star", and are indispensable, is about the worst thing you can do for them in the long run. Whether they are always competing for playing time, or competing to play for a higher level of team (like the one mentioned above), the kids who are fighting for something will come out ahead.
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Post by Wolfgang on Oct 23, 2014 15:11:19 GMT -5
Lots of wisdom here. The original article mentioned specifically spending time on the bench to build character. My DD never sat on the bench, but had her character and perseverance built through the school of hard knocks anyway. She found a passion for volleyball in 6th grade, but at a skinny 4'11", had the "misfortune" of being about the last girl on the planet to hit puberty. Being very athletic but tiny, she had to play for lower level teams, where her teammates didn't share her drive and passion, which was incredibly frustrating. She played for coaches who saw her athletic ability and didn't ever take her off the court, despite her size. She gave 100% in every practice and game, but was desperate to keep improving and play with the "big girls" who had the same passion for the game...and against the top competition. She practiced countless hours on her own, and took a lot of private lessons...always her idea, not ours. By 8th grade, when the top setters begin to rise to the top of the class, she was still only 5'3" and 90 lbs, and couldn't get noticed in any open gym or crowded tryout for a top team. She knew she loved setting and didn't want to get picked as a libero, so she would compete against 20-30 larger, physically mature, setters in the tryouts and leave dejected. There were a lot of years of huge disappointments, but she plugged away at what she loved. She started growing at the end of 8th grade and actually grew 8 inches in high school. By sophomore year, some good coaches noticed her and recruited her for their club teams. She chose to keep playing for the best team/coach that knew her athleticism and work ethic and really wanted to play her and help her improve. Someone else mentioned that you get better in practice, not in tournaments, but I think there is a huge benefit from competing against the top players in the country...especially as a setter. She suffered a devastating injury at the beginning of her sophomore club season, but displayed incredible effort and drive to return in half the predicted time, because she was the only setter for her team, and she knew they needed her back. Despite never warming the bench, being the perpetual underdog for so many years gave her an enormous drive to keep improving and be able to compete with the top players in her class. She looked shy and quiet on the outside, but was fiercely competitive and driven inside. As a muscular 5'11 senior, she and the other setter on her HS team were known as one of the best setter/hitter tandems in the country. She was named POY in a very competitive league, and a lot of people wondered where in the world she had come from. She is having a lot of success as a D1 freshman setter in a 5-1 system, but approached her transition to college with the same drive and work ethic. Before she signed her NLI, we spent a couple of years challenging her to make sure she was happy with her college choice, her coaches (they were a huge factor), the school size/academics/location, and would be happy staying there even if everything in volleyball came crumbling down. She gave it a lot of thought...as a very high academic student, she had many other options...but she is very happy where she is, and, even though she hasn't ridden the bench (yet), her many years as the underdog have made her a fighter who gives 100% in everything. Now I'm wondering who your daughter is. PM me with name.
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Post by Wolfgang on Oct 23, 2014 15:14:27 GMT -5
It seems that telling a talented young kid they are a "star", and are indispensable, is about the worst thing you can do for them in the long run. Whether they are always competing for playing time, or competing to play for a higher level of team (like the one mentioned above), the kids who are fighting for something will come out ahead. The worst thing that happened to me was being told I was a super stud star in high school. The best thing that happened to me was a series of setbacks that forced me to develop a better work ethic.
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Post by zenyada on Oct 23, 2014 15:36:53 GMT -5
IMO, a terrific thread with many valuable thoughts shared and worth summarizing. Here's my top 10:
1) Happiness of the child is most important. There's more to the team experience than playing time. 2) Playing time challenges can be harder on the parent, so growth by the parent is essential, so it doesn't hinder the growth of the child 3) Still today, a quality education and school characteristics match should be the priorities in choosing a college. 4) 97% of players face playing time challenges prior to college, adversity lessons are pre-college for the vast majority. 5) For the other 2.5% college non-superstars, they get challenged much later so the transition to part-time may be more difficult 6) The bench-player experience is influenced by school, teammates and coach. There is no correct way to pick, there's just life. 7) A coaches ability to consistently recognize contributions made by all is huge. Assessing this skill is important to choosing. 8) There is no way to predict who your teammates/ competition will be, so therein lies part of the risk and varying experience. 9) If education is a priority, this may be a foundation for happiness. 10) It's a fact that top academic schools provide intial job opportunities and a follow along network for career advancement, but these "doors" are not essential to success or happiness for most.
Bonus comment: Agree that fundamentals are taught in practice, but when young, playing time is essential to learning to play the game, build confidence, and get better.
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Post by bayarea on Oct 24, 2014 14:03:22 GMT -5
I agree with the above but would temper #1 with: The "long-term happiness, and ultimate good of the child, rather than their immediate gratification" is most important...in some instances, a kid can associate "happiness" with getting everything they want, and playing all the time, regardless. And even top players/"stars" of a team should be given reality checks and continually urged to improve toward a higher level of play.
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Post by kukae on Oct 24, 2014 18:10:48 GMT -5
I would like to add one point about top colleges. It isn't just about jobs and the academics, it's about personal growth and experiences. Having been a world class athlete in HS who then attended Stanford, I can say that it was a life altering experience. The first thing you realize there is that no matter how good you are at something, there are others who are better. There are others who are better at everything there. It was very humbling for someone coming out of HS who took everything for granted. The single biggest value to a top school is that you are surrounded by accomplished over-achievers who, at Stanford at least, are still amazingly generous and wonderful human beings. There is no room for mediocrity, peers step in to provide any needed push and support, and call you out when you are slacking. The most amazing thing is that everyone there celebrates accomplishment. You don't get jealous of the success of others, even when they are achieving above you. This is what I see in Stanford's women's teams. There always seems to be a supportive passion that one often doesn't find on the East coast teams (which has also anecdotally been expressed by friends' recruiting experiences). This mutual passion for all things of excellence pervades a school like Stanford, and so the teams just become an extension of that. This is not like a school where this particular team is the one big thing going on, which can breed pettiness and infighting. When you are surrounded by people who are accomplished and who know how to accomplish, it is inspiring. It isn't easy to inspire someone who has been the top of their game through HS. But, that's what a top school does, it inspires and engages, it causes one to dream bigger.
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Post by ggopher on Oct 24, 2014 18:47:10 GMT -5
Probably the worst thing that can happen to a child is to be a "natural" sports star. All their identity gets caught up in the sport, and then they do not pay attention to what is actually important in life. Be thankful your daughter is not succesful and has to work to achieve. That is the most important lesson that sports can teach.
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Post by titleixdays on Oct 24, 2014 19:34:10 GMT -5
I guess we were lucky. Daughter, out of college for quite a while now, was a top recruit, had a choice of almost every D1 school, and decided to choose a school where she would be happy if she got hurt the first day and could never play again. She was a four year starter and also managed to finish first in her class in engineering, which was her goal. The motivation for all this came within and not from us. I'm sure there are as many different opinions on this matter as there are girls and their parents. I think parents/players need to be more realistic as to where/what level of play is the best fit and realize that being a top student/athlete is like having a job. As one of the top coaches told us, his job is to recruit players better each year than the previous year because his job depends on it.
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Post by beb12345 on Oct 25, 2014 14:02:27 GMT -5
I personally wish no child of an adult would have to sit on the bench. I wish no student athlete would have to sit on the bench. Very difficult to emotionally sit through. Though I wish for many things that don't come through,,, for various reasons.
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Post by daredevil on Oct 25, 2014 18:57:12 GMT -5
Interesting to read how much character some of these student athletes can maintain when things don't pan out like they expected. Kudos to them.
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